It is truly amazing how one or two little things can change everything. As you all know Skipper has left the building. He is off training to save the world and he loves it. Now here I was feeling sorry for myself and missing him and I know that it is okay to miss him but I have it pretty damn easy. I get to talk to him lots and he calls every night before bed and he is home in 54 days. Holy shit. He’s home in 54 days.
Okay anyway I only have to spend 5 days without hearing from him and yes that will be hard but its only 5 days. And by the time that happens I will be so busy getting ready for him to come home that I won’t really notice it. Now back to what I was saying. Last Sunday, shortly after my post I headed up to Mississauga unexpectedly. My old rugby team which my sister currently plays on was headed to a provincial championship and needed a female chaperon last minute. Me being me means that I went, no questions asked. I didn’t even have a tooth brush when I got on the bus. It was exactly what I needed. A lot of girl time and the sport I love.
Now on my way back I had a little bit of time to kill in downtown Toronto so I walked up to the Eaton Center and grabbed a book. Before I tell you what book, I want you to know that many of the military wives, fiances and girlfriends I know will not watch the movie because it is hard to watch knowing that, that could be your man.Personally, I have seen the movie and it is hard and I will never watch it with Skipper because it is to emotional for me. Skipper, I know you’re reading this and I am sorry but I can’t watch it with you. You can pick another one. (see, comprise, ladies and gentleman) The book is American Sniper. I won’t tell you about it but I will include the link to the good reads link. Just click the book title.
Now, you may ask how this has to do with perspective. Well let me tell you! In the beginning Chris Kyle does an amazing job of talking about when he became a SEAL. Now I won’t give it away but the way he talked about it is the same way Skipper does.
He loves the Navy in ways I can only hope he will ever love me. It is his purpose it seems and reading that in a book for whatever reason made it click. Somehow while sitting on a train I became okay with the distance and realized how crazy I have been acting and that as much as I wish I could make him stay, in the words of Zac Brown Band, he was born for leaving. Like me and my writing it is what fuels him. It’s what makes him get up in the morning and I can’t take that away from him no matter how desperately I want him to stay.
It is still hard and it will always be hard but it’s what he wants to do so how can I take that away?
It doesn’t mean that it’s easy to say goodbye because it isn’t. Watching him walk out of that terminal and on to that plane was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It took every ounce of self control not to run out after Skipper and drag him back to the car and chain him to the seat.I miss him all the time and I wish he could just come home but he can’t and he doesn’t want to.
There is this perception of what it is like to date these men. This perception is all about balls and uniforms and this romantic idea that they are these idealistic heroes who run off to save the world every chance they get and they come home covered in medals and the dutiful spouse/girlfriend/fiance is waiting there with open arms. And it’s false.
There are people in these relationships with real feelings. Don’t get me wrong I am not minimizing the job they do. I am beyond grateful for it. It’s just dating them is hard. Yes there are balls and uniforms and everything else but they don’t come around often. People look at me when they find out Skipper is on training. TRAINING. He hasn’t even been deployed for christ sake. They treat me like a little puppy in a hot car and ask me how I am with this look of sympathy because they are half expecting me to lose my shit at any given moment. It drives me mental. I am not strong. In no way am I good at distance. I hate it. Everyone says I’m so strong and I look around Kingston and see the wives of the service men who are deployed. They haven’t seen their husbands in months. And some how I am the strong one?
On a happier note I get to go hiking today and if there is one way on this planet that I will feel closer to Skipper it will be while I am hiking.
T-54 days to Skipper Arrival!